When creating or reading someone's dating profile, it can be important to know what pertinent information is needed to make a decision about someone and what is not. There is an important dance of understanding and writing intentionally what for you are looking for. It is important to keep options open to see what can develop and not waste time with people who will not be a good fit.
When creating a profile, there are important aspects to be aware of that you want to communicate to others, so the pool is more aligned to possible partners and we are not wasting time, effort, and resources. If you are feeling discouraged in the dating app process, try an app or subscription that allows for some real information, broad categories can create more disconnection with assumptions. Here are the most important
Lifestyles: health, activity, social. adventurous.
A secure attachment means having aspects of your life that are fulfilling for you, but if you are very different one person can always be compromising. Does the person like to be out most days or at home? What does the ideal weekend look like? Do you have similar food styles?
Family: How close is the family? How much do they influence do they have in the person’s life? How much time is expected to spend with family? Make sure this aligns especially If family is important to you.
Finances: Do you have similar goals and ideas when it comes to money? spender vs saver, where to put money? For example, owning a home or spending on vacations?
Attachment style: having different attachment styles can leave both partners feeling that their needs are not being met. This is something you will have to engage more with someone to understand this further, but you can begin to see clues from the profile, for example, are they out with friends every night of the week or does their profile indicate the like to be cozy with a partner at home). You can begin to build a larger picture.
Keep in mind this is just the beginning of the process. These aspects are important for your sense of peace in a relationship along with other aspects as you get to know someone deeper. Don't waste time and energy on people who is different in these aspects to the point that one of you is sacrificing or compromising all of the time. That does not allow our nervous systems to feel calm.
Take each step of the process intentionally and not too quickly. Find someone who meets the big things. Then begin to see if the conversation is interesting and if you enjoy them in person. Once a connection is established you can begin to determine if they can communicate, compromise, etc for longer-term sucess. Mindfulness is the most important aspect of this process!
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